Your Jealous Partner Is Your Problem

Jealousy is not, nor will it ever be, a declaration of love. There, I said it. And despite that most people will agree, it is a fact that many will allow jealousy to play a presence in their romantic relationships. You know, each time that I share a little kernel of wisdom there is something or someone that has prompted me to do so. Usually, it’s an instance where a situation has pissed me off -- yeah I get a bit of motivation from anger but that’s for another post.

The back-story that motivated me today was Facebook. All who know me, know how much I love Facebook … Bahahahaha … anyway, you will see the picture above and notice that a woman is innocently wishing a Facebook friend “Happy Birthday.” But, the little hussy isn’t so innocent is she? She dared to post a heart next to the birthday wish!

Whore! Really? Why would she do such a thing? By posting Happy Birthday with a heart it is clear that she really likes her Facebook friend … isn’t it? She must want this man. She must want to steal him from his girlfriend. Whore! Look, her Facebook friend liked it. But, he also commented that he loves his very jealous girlfriend. She must have known he had a girlfriend! Whore! Despite that fact that she has quite a few Facebook friends and that every single Facebook friend (male or female) receives the same exact birthday greeting on Facebook, she just KNEW he had a girlfriend! Right? And this is what has pissed me off today.

I’m not going to get into the social media side of this, too boring. Let’s focus on jealousy. If you are in a healthy, committed relationship where does jealousy come into play? The answer is simple. It doesn’t! Commitment within a relationship means that you respect the other person, which can only occur when people are emotionally healthy. Are you seriously going to sweat another person because they may “steal” your partner?

News Flash -- Your partner cannot be “stolen” from your relationship! Your partner can choose to lie to you. Your partner can choose to cheat on you. Your partner can choose to leave you for someone else. However, your partner cannot choose to be “stolen” from you. There’s a flip side to this.

You can choose to spend every waking hour worrying that your partner may lie to you, cheat on you or even leave you for someone else. Or, you can choose to get emotionally healthy and choose a partner who is emotionally healthy too. However, you cannot choose to place blame on any other person for “stealing” your partner.

Oops. One last thing, if “your” song is “Every Breath You Take” please realize that Sting composed the piece in reference to an obsessive stalker. :) Oh, yeah the song below doesn’t have anything to do with this post … XO Peace!

Tips for Secretly Meeting Someone You Have Your Eye On

Did you know that in Canada and the US, 27 percent households are head by a single person? It is also believed that around 48 percent of single men, and 28 percent of women, believe in love at first sight. But what happens when someone is too shy to simply walk over and introduce themselves to someone they have their eye on?

“Walking up to someone to meet them can be intimidating for many people,” explains Jason Connery, the co-founder of Secret RSVP. “The good news is that there are ways around this that can help you feel more comfortable.”

Connery’s new social meet-up website, Secret RSVP, sets itself apart from other online dating websites by letting members secretly invite people they are interested to meet to fun group events. It also removes the random nature of online dating since people get to choose whom they want to meet at events and in so doing, save time throughout the dating process.

Singles can create a profile, add people they are interested to meet to their guest list, and then secretly invite them to a group event, such as hiking or bowling. The person who receives the invitation can, in turn, secretly invite others they are interested to meet to the same event. This creates an event chain where everyone at the event knows whom they invited, but have no idea who asked them out.

In addition to this pressure-free, secretive way to meet someone you have your eye on, Connery offers other creative ways to consider using:

• Find out about the person’s interests. Determine if the person is in any type of interest groups, such as painting, sports, or volunteer clubs. If so, join these same groups and start contributing actively as a member. This puts the focus on the activity and hopefully, you will get introduced to the person, without them knowing why you joined the club in the first place.

• Join the person’s circles. Make their friends your friends. This is much easier if the person of interest is in your school or work environment. With time, you may be able to hang out together at the same place and be introduced to each other.

• Make eye contact. This is especially easy if you locate yourself close to the person of interest. For example, if you catch the same bus and position yourself across from the person, you can work at making eye contact.

• Send a gift. Most people find it flattering to have a secret admirer. Whether sending a drink over to their table, or an edible cookie arrangement, it will help to make meeting someone a lot easier.

Secret RSVP cards are tied to one’s membership within the Website through a unique identification code. By handing the card to someone of interest through a third party, say a waiter or a friend, the person who receives the card is directed to join the Website and enter the unique code. The giver of the card will be automatically notified when the person joins the website, and can secretly invite the person to a group event.

Secret RSVP currently has online dating events and activities scheduled in New York City, Los Angeles, Toronto, Vancouver, and Calgary. More cities are being added as additional people create profiles in particular areas. There is no charge to create a profile and there are no membership fees. The only fee someone has is when he or she registers to attend an event. For more information visit Secret RSVP.

Online Revenge For Scorned Women

For women who have a cheating partner, there are plenty of avenues to take. Options from counseling to kicking him to the curb, but many women have taken to an online forum, via the website Shesahomewrecker.com, to name and shame their partner’s “other woman”.

The website Shesahomewrecker.com, which launched in 2012, is gaining serious notoriety attracting nearly 270,000 Facebook followers and over 500 named “home wreckers”. As for the “home wrecking” women they aren’t just named, as users post everything from their picture to their home address. Perusing the website was a stomach turning experience for Love Is Like A Drug. You have a harmed and hurting woman posting intimate details of her partner’s “extracurricular activities,” but the focus is placed on the woman that he took up with versus the man himself or healing for the hurting partner.

For example, one post features a woman from North Carolina that includes her first and last name, the town where she lives and three photos of her. The user posts, “I wasn’t going to do this because I am better than this w***e, but when I found out she was actually introducing herself in public places as “the home wrecker,” I figured, why not give her a few more props”. The post continues on with extreme vulgarity, blame on the “home wrecker” for the user’s husband continuing the affair, and sums up with the user’s conclusion that the “home wrecker” secretly wants to be her.

For as many users that the site garners, there are more outraged women who deem the site as an avenue for online bullying with one commenter stating that the postings were, “the equivalent of 13-year-old mean girls bullying a victim,” and posing the question, “If someone located and physically harmed one of the women whose photos you post up here, would you accept responsibility?”. Last summer, a Change.org petition began to circulate and requested for the site to be taken down on the basis of harassment, slander, and cyber bullying.

The petition didn’t gain much momentum with only 60-odd signatures, but a savvy woman named Ariella Alexander decided that a better venue for “scorned women” would be a website that placed the focus on the cheating man. Alexander a Maryland-based woman, whose Twitter bio reads, “My name is Ariella and I am a strong woman who is in love with a serial cheater,” is launching Hesahomewrecker.com, which is set to go live this month.

While Love Is Like A Drug agrees that women who engage in dating men who are involved in “committed” relationships are pitiful, shouldn’t the focus be upon the men who cheat? Or better yet, what the woman who has been cheated on can do for herself? Why would any woman want a man who places no value on their life together? There are 7 billion people inhabiting this planet, surely there’s at least one gentleman in the lot. Of course, you will never find that gentleman if you aren’t happy with yourself.

VN Free Report Gives Expert Advice About Online Dating

In a special report, released by Vibrant Nation (VN) on Oct. 28, women over 50 now can obtain free, expert advice about navigating the sometimes-daunting world of online dating.

Authors of the free report, “Online Dating for Women Over 50: Tips and Strategies to find the love you want, regardless of age,” sexual health expert Dr. Pepper Schwartz and dating coach Lisa Copeland, have found that the fastest growing group of online dating services if the 50 and older crowd.

"Online dating has become ordinary and expected among women and men over 50," said Dr. Pepper Schwartz via release. In fact, today singles 50 and over are actually at the forefront the online dating trend. One factor fueling this trend is the rising divorce rate among the over-50 crowd. Women over 50 rediscovering all that life has to offer after a late-in-life divorce now view online dating as a smart strategy for boosting their chances of finding what they want in a romantic relationship.

At leading dating site eHarmony, singles 50 and older are one of the fastest growing groups among its over 33 million users worldwide. At the popular dating site Match.com, it’s a similar story, with 25 percent of its members are between 50 and 65. Of course, the real question then is not whether women over 50 should utilize dating sites, but rather, can single women over 50 looking for a relationship afford not to hop on the online dating bandwagon? What’s stopping them?

At Vibrant Nation, some midlife women express concerns about online dating such as:

• How can I gauge chemistry online?
• How can I tell whether a potential match is misrepresenting himself in his profile?
• Should I lie about my age in my own profile - and how else can I improve my chances of connecting with age-appropriate men?

None of these problems are insurmountable, however. In fact, an increasing number of midlife women in the Vibrant Nation community are reporting great success with online dating. The report outlines real midlife women’s online dating success stories as well as specific, practical tips on how to tip the numbers game of online dating in your favor.

The report is yet another stellar resource for women 50 and over. Quite frankly, us younger ladies could also learn a few things from our older sisters. To obtain your free copy of the new Vibrant Nation special report, “Online Dating for Women Over 50: Tips and Strategies to find the love you want, regardless of age,” please visit Vibrant Nation. 

Why He Will Not Commit

As we get into or 30s (and sometime even in our 20s) the urgency to find a partner, whom we can marry and start a family with, can become overwhelming. We've has found this dilemma among both men and women, but more so with women. Perhaps it’s the “biological” clock or society’s conditioning, but regardless of the reason the person who finds himself or herself on the short end of the relationship stick are usually left asking, “What’s wrong with me?”. In a candid discussion, the men folk opened up about dating, sex, love, and the reasons why they have felt a lack of desire to commit to a woman. Read on, as you may be surprised to learn the real reasons why your guy isn’t ready to be … your guy!

Among the men that we've spoken with, the reoccurring complaint was over women who are “needy”. Personally, I find neediness to be a really unattractive trait in a man. Emotional neediness is exhausting. Having to constantly reassure another person that you like them or care about them is what I refer to as emotional suckage, meaning that the other person is sucking the life and energy from your being. Doesn’t sound like fun does it? So, if you need constant reassurance/validation from another person, you need not even consider a relationship … except perhaps working on the one (and most important) with yourself.

With that said, let’s look at a few of the reasons why your guy isn’t really your guy:

He’s a Romance Junkie – Love Is Like A Drug spoke to a friend from NYC and he admitted that he was completely addicted to “love”. All that goes on in the first few months of dating, from the coy flirting to anticipatory butterflies, was what he enjoyed. And he flat out stated that once the newness wore off, he got bored. (Read, “The 90-Day Rule,”).

He’s not over the ex – Now, this isn’t necessarily an issue of him still being in love with his ex. Of course when people break up, the next person who comes along is usually “rebound” and that’s just how it is. But, him not being over his ex may have more to do with how that relationship ended.

He’s content with his world – Not every guy, or woman, needs a partner to feel complete and fulfilled in life. Some guys are focused on other things like their careers and although they enjoy companionship (plus other benefits), they’re not looking for a wife.

Hopefully, you’ll see that not one of these reasons equates to anything lacking in you. The bottom line is that it’s not you … or him. You’re simply not the one for him and who cares? There are 7 billion people on the planet so go find someone who works in your world! Oh, and don’t forget to have fun while you’re searching.

How To Realize That Your Summer Romance Was Just A Fling

Perhaps you met him on an extended vacation or spent the summer at your family’s vacation house and he was the new guy in town, either way, you’re still pining for him long after you’ve said your goodbyes. Of course you exchanged phone numbers, email addys and you’ve connected on Facebook. You’ve even talked a few times since you parted ways at that secret, romantic spot on the beach that was just “yours”. But, how do you know if the two of you can turn your fling into a thing?

Let’s start with a clear head. Summertime sets the stage for romance. No one can deny that summer turns up the heat a notch, or two, in every way. Combine the sexy atmosphere of summer with being away from your everyday life and there is the making for an intoxicating situation. Yes this setting can be incredibly exciting and fun, but can that situation translate into your “real” life?

A rather confusing factor of a summer romance is that the relationship is essentially a relationship on super-petrol. Three months at the beach or even ten intense days at a romantic resort, well … you can jam a lot into that time. These specific situations give way to carefree days and nights. The romantic fantasy sets the tone and the sex is so amazing, but the fact is that most of that has less to do with love and far more do with being out of your everyday environment.

After you’ve cleared the summer mist from your brain, can you still say that he’s a priority? “Yes,” you say. Really? He lives several hours away. Have you made any plans to see one another? Not the “we’ll figure it out” deal with empty promises, but an actual plan for how the two of you will continue what began on vacation?

Ask yourself a few very basic questions:

• Are you really willing to commit to a long-distance relationship?
• How much time will you be able to spend together? One weekend a month or holiday break … maybe?
• Outside of that amazing summer setting, how much do you really have in common?

After all is said and done, accept your summer romance for the brief and beautiful thing that it was … a summer fling.

Does Single Parenthood and Dating Really Mix?

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Is He Cheating? 10 Signs That Say Yes

No one likes to be paranoid about his or her relationship. After all, relationships are supposed to based upon trust. But, a 2012 study printed in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, reveals some sobering statistics about the percentage of men who engage in affairs. Women are often oblivious to the signs of a cheating guy. So, it’s rarely surprising to hear a girlfriend say, “I had no idea!”

While there is no bulletproof formula to know if your man is cheating there are several clues that indicate that he’s gone astray and you need to know them and you need to protect yourself. Check out these 10 warning signs that your man may be cheating.

1. He’s cheated before – “Once a cheater always a cheater,” isn’t a random adage. Neither is, “If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you.” The sayings could go on and on, but you get the gist. Past behaviors are generally a good indicator of what lies ahead, most especially if he cheated on his last girlfriend/wife with you!

2. His friends aren’t as friendly towards you – If you’ve always been close to his group of friends or co-workers, but now their markedly distant towards you, this could be a major sign that he’s doing you dirty and they’re distancing themselves from disaster.

3. He’s all dressed up and nowhere to go – Well, nowhere that you know about. If you’re man has suddenly begun to pay extra attention to his appearance … not just wanting to get back into shape, but more like going from Fruit of the Looms tighty whities to Perry Ellis silk boxers, you have a problem.

4. He’s spending less time with you – And I’m not talking about he’s out with the guys, I’m mean you’re watching the TV show that was “your show’ and he’s in another room reading a book. You don’t need to be physically alone to be left alone.

5. He’s less interested in sex – Barring a physical problem, when you’re man doesn’t want to be affectionate towards you anymore or the sex has completely stopped, this is a good indication that he’s getting it elsewhere.

6. He’s not interested – Now, this is different than a loss of interest in sex. The two of you used to discuss your day, but now he’s not interested about what happened at the office or Fill In The Blank. A loss of interest in the happenings of your life could be a good indicator that he’s interested in the happenings of another woman.

7. He changes his passwords – Personally, I’m not a huge believer that couples need to have each other’s password to emails and such, everyone is entitled to autonomy. But if you’ve always had access to your man’s voicemail, email, etcetera and he suddenly changes his password, he’s most likely hiding something from you and it isn’t a 5-carat diamond ring.

8. He’s become “electronically” secretive – He’s on the computer and every time you walk in the room, he’s quick to exit from whatever site he was viewing. Sans your birthday or anniversary and the possibility that he may be ordering something special for you, this is big red flag that he’s probably doing something online that he shouldn’t be.

9. He’s become “cellularly” secretive – He starts to keep his cell phone in his pocket when he used to toss on the coffee table or he’s suddenly started to lock his phone. He walks away from you when he receives a call or text. If his normal behaviors regarding his cell phone have changed, this is a really good indication that he’s hiding something from you and that something is probably another woman.

10. You find things that don’t belong to you – It doesn’t matter if your man has four sisters, his sisters are unlikely to leave their panties in his car!

If you’re seeing your guy’s behavior in the above warning signs, it may start to become very clear that you’re involved with a cheat. And while it is part of life that people do indeed fall out of love, the bottom line is that when someone cheats on you they are stealing you’re right to make decisions about your life.

What To Do When You Don’t Like Who Your Kid Is Dating

We’ve written advice regarding courtship and, of course, the delicious gossip of who’s dating who, but we’ve received a multitude of emails from parents distraught over who their kid is dating. We figured that it was high time to address this issue.

So your son or daughter has brought home the new person in their life and you are less then thrilled with their choice. If there’s one thing that can make a guy or gal irresistibly attractive to your son or daughter, it is the fact that you think he/she is horrible. On the other hand, if you are thrilled with your son or daughter’s choice of partner, then it is probably wise not to be too enthusiastic.

We acknowledge that there is no greater human relationship or bond that the one you share with your kid. With this knowledge in your head whether you’re thrilled or horrified by your kid’s choice, do not be so quick to pass judgment in either direction or to react negatively or positively. Two prime examples for not passing judgment too soon are our friends Denise and Beth.

Several years ago, Denise’s daughter brought home a boy whom Denise instantly disapproved of. Her reason for disapproval was the “not good enough for my kid syndrome,” based upon this boy’s choice not to pursue a college degree. This instant judgment caused horrendous fights between Denise and her daughter and further, put her daughter in a place to defend her own choice. Essentially, Denise pushed her daughter directly toward the boyfriend. Four years later, that boy who opted to forgo college, is a successful young man, has always treated Denise’s daughter respectfully, and the two are planning their wedding.

Flipping the script is Beth. Beth’s son brought home the perfect “girl next door,” so she thought. Instantly Beth embraced the relationship without taking the time to get to know this girl. Beth’s instant decision about her son’s new girlfriend was based upon the girlfriend’s “fresh-faced” appearance, articulate speech, and prestigious family. Her son’s “perfect girlfriend” turned out to be the girlfriend from hell. She would drunk-dial Beth’s son and start arguments or beg him to “borrow” Beth’s car in the middle of the night. This nonsense played out for eight months. When the girlfriend pinched money and a credit card from Beth, her son finally dumped the girl.

Denise’s rapid-fire judgment could have permanently alienated her from both her daughter and future son-in-law. Beth admits that her action of immediately embracing her son’s new girlfriend, without taking the time to get to know her, caused her and her son a lot of grief.

The best option in dealing with a new person in your child’s life is to not make hasty opinions about them. A quick judgment for or against the new girlfriend or boyfriend can have consequences far worse than what we’ve shared. Take the time to get to know your child’s new girlfriend or boyfriend. If you begin to see unhealthy patterns in their relationship, have a calm, non-judgmental talk with your child making sure to leave the door open so that he or she is comfortable talking with you about future issues or coming to you for support. Remember that your child isn’t going to seek your advice or help if you’re perceived as the enemy.

New Study Reveals That Blondes Are More Likely To Cheat

Although your sweetie might make your brown eyes blue, it's their hair color you should be concerned about. Turns out, when it comes to infidelity, blonde female cheaters outnumber all other shades combined by a hair, but flaxen-headed guys are far less shady, according to a new report issued today by CheaterVille.

Some of the “study” highlights include:

40% of males posted as alleged cheaters have brown hair, while black (32%), blonde (20%) and red (5%) came in second, third and fourth respectively.

42% of females posted as alleged cheaters have blonde hair, while red (23%), brown (20%), and black (11%) came in second, third and fourth respectively.

43% of the victims (both male and female) who posted their own personal stories about an alleged cheating incident indicated that their own hair color was brown.

8% of female victims indicated within their alleged infidelity story that their male partner at one point in their relationship had asked them to change their hair color.

CheaterVille.com acknowledges the hair color findings remain largely anecdotal and did not address baldness or permanent / temporary hair coloring, nor did it take into account race or ethnicity. Analysis of hair color was based on self-reporting or third party descriptions.

However, CheaterVille founder James McGibney says, via release, of the colorful findings, “From Veronica vs. Betty to Ginger vs. Mary Anne, we've always favored one look over another. But now our research gives us a tempting look at how hair color might play a role in infidelity, and that's nothing to brush off.”

We say that anyone under 30 isn’t going to have a clue what “Veronica vs. Betty to Ginger vs. Mary Anne” is. And since we are a natural brunette, whose bestie is blonde, we weren’t about to pass up on this “study.” Have a great weekend, my lovelies and remember that character, not hair color, determines whether or not a person is going to cheat!

Secrets To Reading Sexual Body Language

You and your friends have certainly talked about a guy or girl “giving you signals,” and it’s a well-known fact that both genders use an array of gestures, usually unknowingly, when they’re attracted to someone. And when it comes to the very unknown territory of courtship, it helps to understand these signals.

      

We’ve put together a list of gestures and meanings to help you navigate through the craziness that we call courtship or dating. Of course, no matter what signals that you think a man or woman has sent your way, no will ALWAYS mean no! Moving on, check out the list below and leave your thoughts in the comment section.

Slightly parted lips

If a person likes you, his or her lips automatically open the moment your eyes meet. Catching this cue can be a helpful determiner when deciding to start a conversation.

Raised eyebrows

When we see a person that we consider attractive, we begin raising and lowering our eyebrows. It’s a quick gesture that lasts less than a second, but for those that are observant, it’s a cue that he or she is attracted to you and you have that person’s attention.

Standing at attention

You’ve heard about men “puffing out their chest,” kind of like a peacock strutting their feathers, well men are the same. We’re not talking about muscle heads flexing for attention; this is different. If a man is standing straight with his shoulders squared, he's trying to show himself off to you. If he is leaning forward to hear what you have to say, this is a slam-dunk indicator that he’s into you.

Adjusting clothes

When a man begins adjusting his tie, he really hopes that you will notice him. When a man is playing with the buttons on his shirt or jacket he's probably nervous. Using these gestures he's also subconsciously demonstrating his desire to get undressed for you. The next stage is when he takes his jacket off, or if he unfastens his watch, some gesture of removing an item. If he has used these gestures, it means he's already thinking “your place or mine?”

Playing with the hair

Showing a subconscious gesture of sympathy, a woman will sweep her hair off of her face. If she starts to twirl her hair, forget it, she’s bored and you have less than zero chance with her.

Voyeurism

A man is openly trying to show that he's examining the woman's body, by casting some looks at its most beautiful parts. Of course, if the guy does a full body inspection from jump-street then he’s looking for booty.

Playing around with cylindrical objects

A man or woman is attracted to you; they will definitely play with a glass or even a fork. Cylindrical objects remind men of woman's breasts, and women of a man's, well um… cylindrical object.

The leading hand

It is a good sign if a man is holding you by the elbow or by the shoulder. In the first place, it is a good way to lead you through the crowd. Secondly, this way he can be sure that you don't get lost. Thirdly, this will frighten away other men: after all, you already have one by your side.

He's offering you his sweater or his coat.

Men offer their jackets or sweaters to women because it's a defensive, sexual and proprietarily gesture. It is a man’s way of showing that he can protect you and that he has concern for your well-being. Furthermore, he's saying “What is mine, is also yours.” At first the jacket smells of him, and then it smells of you.