Your apartment may be jacking your love life

February … the month of amore. But, despite doing all the “right” things, you are yet again sans a valentine. Guess what? It could be your abode! In celebration of Valentine’s Day, Rent.com surveyed 1,000 US singles and your apartment could actually be a deal breaker in the dating game.

So, what makes for a deal breaker? Quite a few things in fact, but let’s take a look at a few of the top turnoffs and turn ons.

GU – Geographically Undesirable

Apparently 43% of those surveyed stated that they wouldn’t date someone who lived more than 30 minutes from them. But living next door is even less appealing with 82% of respondents stating they’d never dated someone who lived in their apartment building and of the 18% who had literally dated the guy/girl next door, one in three said they never would again!

Looks Matter

This should be so obvious! 82% of respondents pay close attention to the cleanliness of a date’s apartment with particular attention paid to the bathroom. 45% said that a clean bathroom was their biggest turn on and dirty dishes in the kitchen a big turn off. 67% of renters responded that an “upper scale” apartment would make them more interested in a potential partner. But where you lay your head becomes less important with age. 79% of renters aged 18-24 said a nice apartment would make them more interested in a potential partner compared to 54% of renters aged 48-67.

Flatmate = Flat Mate

Your roommate(s) matter big time! Who you pick to room with speaks volumes to your date with 37% of respondents stating that a rude roommate was a complete deal breaker and 26% would not date someone who had roommates of the opposite sex. 18% of those surveyed wouldn’t date someone who had a roommate at all. If you have to have a roomie, stick with a nice person of the same gender.

Men versus Women

We already know that men and women are (thankfully) different. So what turns on a guy or gal? Women stated that seeing family photos around a guy’s apartment was the biggest turn on, while men like a collection of classic books at their date’s apartment. When things get to sexy time, size matters … surprisingly for the guys … who are much happier in a king size bed. Another surprise from the survey regarding guys is that 57% are actually embarrassed by their untidy bachelor ways!

The 90-Day Rule

One of things that I love about blogging, versus writing for a column, is that I can be blunt. I don’t care how “evolved” a person is and how much people profess to hate “playing games,” the bottom line is that EVERYONE plays games (consciously or not)! For the sake of the enlightened person, I’ll do my best to explain the subconscious game playing.

As much as you try to throw out the list in your head of whom you’ve decided is the perfect mate for you, you still have a picture of the ideal mate. And because of that picture, when you first meet a potential partner, you present your “public” self. What is the public self? It is the persona that you want the world to see. For example, you probably don’t want anyone outside of your trusted circle to know that you watch the entire (and only) season of “My So Called Life” just so that you can salivate over Jared Leto. This dirty little secret isn’t going to be the first thing that you share with that gorgeous guy that you’ve just met. For a guy, you’re probably not going to share that 5-years after graduating college, you still feel that beer and pizza is the breakfast of champions. No, no ... you are going to present yourself as a well-rounded and polished individual.

So, yeah um ... okay, what is “The 90-day Rule,” right? It is the first 3 months, 90 days, 2160 hours, 129600 minutes, 7776000 seconds that you know a person. I don’t give a crap what anyone says, this period of time is when each person is on his or her very best behavior. He will not dare leave the toilet seat up, she will not nag you to meet her parents, he will make sure that his friends don’t act like apes, she will make sure that her friends don’t either. Everything about this new romance is bright, shiny, and fucking perfect. Then comes day 91! You’ve now established your new relationship and you’re going to begin to see the cracks in the other person’s personality.

The absolute must for dating – Do not get overly invested in the other person before 90 days. And that, dear people, is “The 90-day Rule”. Oh, by the way, “The 90-day Rule” applies to any situation ... a job ... a friendship ... a marriage. :)

©2013 Love Is Like a Drug

Why He Will Not Commit

As we get into or 30s (and sometime even in our 20s) the urgency to find a partner, whom we can marry and start a family with, can become overwhelming. We've has found this dilemma among both men and women, but more so with women. Perhaps it’s the “biological” clock or society’s conditioning, but regardless of the reason the person who finds himself or herself on the short end of the relationship stick are usually left asking, “What’s wrong with me?”. In a candid discussion, the men folk opened up about dating, sex, love, and the reasons why they have felt a lack of desire to commit to a woman. Read on, as you may be surprised to learn the real reasons why your guy isn’t ready to be … your guy!

Among the men that we've spoken with, the reoccurring complaint was over women who are “needy”. Personally, I find neediness to be a really unattractive trait in a man. Emotional neediness is exhausting. Having to constantly reassure another person that you like them or care about them is what I refer to as emotional suckage, meaning that the other person is sucking the life and energy from your being. Doesn’t sound like fun does it? So, if you need constant reassurance/validation from another person, you need not even consider a relationship … except perhaps working on the one (and most important) with yourself.

With that said, let’s look at a few of the reasons why your guy isn’t really your guy:

He’s a Romance Junkie – Love Is Like A Drug spoke to a friend from NYC and he admitted that he was completely addicted to “love”. All that goes on in the first few months of dating, from the coy flirting to anticipatory butterflies, was what he enjoyed. And he flat out stated that once the newness wore off, he got bored. (Read, “The 90-Day Rule,”).

He’s not over the ex – Now, this isn’t necessarily an issue of him still being in love with his ex. Of course when people break up, the next person who comes along is usually “rebound” and that’s just how it is. But, him not being over his ex may have more to do with how that relationship ended.

He’s content with his world – Not every guy, or woman, needs a partner to feel complete and fulfilled in life. Some guys are focused on other things like their careers and although they enjoy companionship (plus other benefits), they’re not looking for a wife.

Hopefully, you’ll see that not one of these reasons equates to anything lacking in you. The bottom line is that it’s not you … or him. You’re simply not the one for him and who cares? There are 7 billion people on the planet so go find someone who works in your world! Oh, and don’t forget to have fun while you’re searching.

Seven Signs That It Is Time To Break Up

School’s out, summer has begun, and so too have those annoying thoughts that all is not right with your relationship. But, you’re simply not sure if you should continue dating your boyfriend or girl. It’s an uncomfortable feeling for sure. Of course, you’re not the first person to feel “on the fence” about a relationship.

We all know that relationships aren’t always easy. And ending a relationship is just as upsetting for the person who is initiating the break up as it is for the person who is getting … dumped. No matter how uncomfortable it may be to end your relationship, you can’t feel guilty for wanting to move on and if you’re still unsure, check out the list for the seven signs that it’s time to bail.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-7233 at or visit The Hotline.

1. You've Sought Advice

This one should be really easy. If you’re reading this article, you’re already half way out the door. When you begin to look for validation to break up, it’s time to go.

2.) You’re Eye Starts to Wander

Okay, so everyone fantasizes sometimes. Even in a deeply committed relationship. But, if you’re constantly thinking about someone else, it is so over.

3.) I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me

It isn't just a Demi Lovato song. If you miss you girlfriend/boyfriend when they’re not around, but can’t wait to get away when you’re together, that’s a good indication that you’re only in the relationship, to be in a relationship.

4.) Everything is Forced

From conversations to tolerating your guy or girl’s friends, everything that the two of you do is more than just a compromise on your part. You don’t seem to enjoy anything that the other person wants to do and you’re trying to remember why you began dating. Guess what? It’s time to break up.

5.) Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Doesn't Trust You

This really should be self-explanatory, but for so many it isn't  Jealousy or distrust is not a sign of affection; it’s a sign to get out. 

6.) Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Makes Rules

From what you wear to what you do when he or she isn't with you. Seriously? Do you want a parent or a partner? Making rules for one another is equally ridiculous.

7.) You or He/She Wants to Take A Break

Everyone needs autonomy, so I’m not talking about you or him/her wanting some time alone. I’m talking about an extended time apart. If you’ve thought that “taking a break” would be a great idea, it’s time to take a break up … you’ll be okay all by yourself.

©2013 Love Is Like A Drug, All rights reserved.