Moving In Together, How Soon is Too Soon?

As summer comes to a close we will soon embark on the beginnings of the next season. And a part of that next season may be thoughts of co-habitation with your current beloved. Maybe after months of beautiful and balmy weather, the thought of schlepping back and forth to see your beloved in the bitter cold of the polar vortex isn't too appealing or perhaps it's simply the next "logical" step in your relationship. But, how soon is too soon to move in together?

Taking a look at 1,000 co-habitating couples, Rent.com set out to find out how important the “try it before you buy it” theory is and how couples truly feel after they’ve been hanging in the same quarters. Honestly, we got freaked out at the sight of our boyfriend’s toothbrush in the bathroom so we were just as interested as the rest to find out what the survey uncovered.

Out of the 1,000 couples surveyed, 27% of respondents said they moved in with their partner after dating for less than six months. Yet, only 7% of renters recommend making that jump so quickly! In fact, 18% didn’t think couples should move in together until after marriage. Hmm … interesting. So perhaps we aren’t such a freak for getting freaked out by the toothbrush????

Here are a few highlights (and WTF) stats from the survey:

• The #1 thing renters said they wished they discussed before moving in was how to divide their finances! (Um … duh! Seriously? These people didn’t think out this before hand?) 
• Say goodbye to girls’ night out (Not Gonna Happen For Us!) 63% said they rarely, if ever, have a night out with JUST their friends! (Where is that number for co-dependents anonymous?)

On the upside, 32% said the biggest benefit to moving in together was finding out if their significant other was the one -- This is the most humorous stat from the survey. Let’s start with “on the upside”. The upside of what? Hmm … you move in together and one of you determines if you’ve found “the one”. There is no “the one”. However, there is the person who may fit into your life at a particular time. But, if you’re down for buying into the ridiculousness of finding your one true and only love, then by all means move in together … now!

Your Jealous Partner Is Your Problem

Jealousy is not, nor will it ever be, a declaration of love. There, I said it. And despite that most people will agree, it is a fact that many will allow jealousy to play a presence in their romantic relationships. You know, each time that I share a little kernel of wisdom there is something or someone that has prompted me to do so. Usually, it’s an instance where a situation has pissed me off -- yeah I get a bit of motivation from anger but that’s for another post.

The back-story that motivated me today was Facebook. All who know me, know how much I love Facebook … Bahahahaha … anyway, you will see the picture above and notice that a woman is innocently wishing a Facebook friend “Happy Birthday.” But, the little hussy isn’t so innocent is she? She dared to post a heart next to the birthday wish!

Whore! Really? Why would she do such a thing? By posting Happy Birthday with a heart it is clear that she really likes her Facebook friend … isn’t it? She must want this man. She must want to steal him from his girlfriend. Whore! Look, her Facebook friend liked it. But, he also commented that he loves his very jealous girlfriend. She must have known he had a girlfriend! Whore! Despite that fact that she has quite a few Facebook friends and that every single Facebook friend (male or female) receives the same exact birthday greeting on Facebook, she just KNEW he had a girlfriend! Right? And this is what has pissed me off today.

I’m not going to get into the social media side of this, too boring. Let’s focus on jealousy. If you are in a healthy, committed relationship where does jealousy come into play? The answer is simple. It doesn’t! Commitment within a relationship means that you respect the other person, which can only occur when people are emotionally healthy. Are you seriously going to sweat another person because they may “steal” your partner?

News Flash -- Your partner cannot be “stolen” from your relationship! Your partner can choose to lie to you. Your partner can choose to cheat on you. Your partner can choose to leave you for someone else. However, your partner cannot choose to be “stolen” from you. There’s a flip side to this.

You can choose to spend every waking hour worrying that your partner may lie to you, cheat on you or even leave you for someone else. Or, you can choose to get emotionally healthy and choose a partner who is emotionally healthy too. However, you cannot choose to place blame on any other person for “stealing” your partner.

Oops. One last thing, if “your” song is “Every Breath You Take” please realize that Sting composed the piece in reference to an obsessive stalker. :) Oh, yeah the song below doesn’t have anything to do with this post … XO Peace!

Tips for Secretly Meeting Someone You Have Your Eye On

Did you know that in Canada and the US, 27 percent households are head by a single person? It is also believed that around 48 percent of single men, and 28 percent of women, believe in love at first sight. But what happens when someone is too shy to simply walk over and introduce themselves to someone they have their eye on?

“Walking up to someone to meet them can be intimidating for many people,” explains Jason Connery, the co-founder of Secret RSVP. “The good news is that there are ways around this that can help you feel more comfortable.”

Connery’s new social meet-up website, Secret RSVP, sets itself apart from other online dating websites by letting members secretly invite people they are interested to meet to fun group events. It also removes the random nature of online dating since people get to choose whom they want to meet at events and in so doing, save time throughout the dating process.

Singles can create a profile, add people they are interested to meet to their guest list, and then secretly invite them to a group event, such as hiking or bowling. The person who receives the invitation can, in turn, secretly invite others they are interested to meet to the same event. This creates an event chain where everyone at the event knows whom they invited, but have no idea who asked them out.

In addition to this pressure-free, secretive way to meet someone you have your eye on, Connery offers other creative ways to consider using:

• Find out about the person’s interests. Determine if the person is in any type of interest groups, such as painting, sports, or volunteer clubs. If so, join these same groups and start contributing actively as a member. This puts the focus on the activity and hopefully, you will get introduced to the person, without them knowing why you joined the club in the first place.

• Join the person’s circles. Make their friends your friends. This is much easier if the person of interest is in your school or work environment. With time, you may be able to hang out together at the same place and be introduced to each other.

• Make eye contact. This is especially easy if you locate yourself close to the person of interest. For example, if you catch the same bus and position yourself across from the person, you can work at making eye contact.

• Send a gift. Most people find it flattering to have a secret admirer. Whether sending a drink over to their table, or an edible cookie arrangement, it will help to make meeting someone a lot easier.

Secret RSVP cards are tied to one’s membership within the Website through a unique identification code. By handing the card to someone of interest through a third party, say a waiter or a friend, the person who receives the card is directed to join the Website and enter the unique code. The giver of the card will be automatically notified when the person joins the website, and can secretly invite the person to a group event.

Secret RSVP currently has online dating events and activities scheduled in New York City, Los Angeles, Toronto, Vancouver, and Calgary. More cities are being added as additional people create profiles in particular areas. There is no charge to create a profile and there are no membership fees. The only fee someone has is when he or she registers to attend an event. For more information visit Secret RSVP.

Your apartment may be jacking your love life

February … the month of amore. But, despite doing all the “right” things, you are yet again sans a valentine. Guess what? It could be your abode! In celebration of Valentine’s Day, Rent.com surveyed 1,000 US singles and your apartment could actually be a deal breaker in the dating game.

So, what makes for a deal breaker? Quite a few things in fact, but let’s take a look at a few of the top turnoffs and turn ons.

GU – Geographically Undesirable

Apparently 43% of those surveyed stated that they wouldn’t date someone who lived more than 30 minutes from them. But living next door is even less appealing with 82% of respondents stating they’d never dated someone who lived in their apartment building and of the 18% who had literally dated the guy/girl next door, one in three said they never would again!

Looks Matter

This should be so obvious! 82% of respondents pay close attention to the cleanliness of a date’s apartment with particular attention paid to the bathroom. 45% said that a clean bathroom was their biggest turn on and dirty dishes in the kitchen a big turn off. 67% of renters responded that an “upper scale” apartment would make them more interested in a potential partner. But where you lay your head becomes less important with age. 79% of renters aged 18-24 said a nice apartment would make them more interested in a potential partner compared to 54% of renters aged 48-67.

Flatmate = Flat Mate

Your roommate(s) matter big time! Who you pick to room with speaks volumes to your date with 37% of respondents stating that a rude roommate was a complete deal breaker and 26% would not date someone who had roommates of the opposite sex. 18% of those surveyed wouldn’t date someone who had a roommate at all. If you have to have a roomie, stick with a nice person of the same gender.

Men versus Women

We already know that men and women are (thankfully) different. So what turns on a guy or gal? Women stated that seeing family photos around a guy’s apartment was the biggest turn on, while men like a collection of classic books at their date’s apartment. When things get to sexy time, size matters … surprisingly for the guys … who are much happier in a king size bed. Another surprise from the survey regarding guys is that 57% are actually embarrassed by their untidy bachelor ways!

Online Revenge For Scorned Women

For women who have a cheating partner, there are plenty of avenues to take. Options from counseling to kicking him to the curb, but many women have taken to an online forum, via the website Shesahomewrecker.com, to name and shame their partner’s “other woman”.

The website Shesahomewrecker.com, which launched in 2012, is gaining serious notoriety attracting nearly 270,000 Facebook followers and over 500 named “home wreckers”. As for the “home wrecking” women they aren’t just named, as users post everything from their picture to their home address. Perusing the website was a stomach turning experience for Love Is Like A Drug. You have a harmed and hurting woman posting intimate details of her partner’s “extracurricular activities,” but the focus is placed on the woman that he took up with versus the man himself or healing for the hurting partner.

For example, one post features a woman from North Carolina that includes her first and last name, the town where she lives and three photos of her. The user posts, “I wasn’t going to do this because I am better than this w***e, but when I found out she was actually introducing herself in public places as “the home wrecker,” I figured, why not give her a few more props”. The post continues on with extreme vulgarity, blame on the “home wrecker” for the user’s husband continuing the affair, and sums up with the user’s conclusion that the “home wrecker” secretly wants to be her.

For as many users that the site garners, there are more outraged women who deem the site as an avenue for online bullying with one commenter stating that the postings were, “the equivalent of 13-year-old mean girls bullying a victim,” and posing the question, “If someone located and physically harmed one of the women whose photos you post up here, would you accept responsibility?”. Last summer, a Change.org petition began to circulate and requested for the site to be taken down on the basis of harassment, slander, and cyber bullying.

The petition didn’t gain much momentum with only 60-odd signatures, but a savvy woman named Ariella Alexander decided that a better venue for “scorned women” would be a website that placed the focus on the cheating man. Alexander a Maryland-based woman, whose Twitter bio reads, “My name is Ariella and I am a strong woman who is in love with a serial cheater,” is launching Hesahomewrecker.com, which is set to go live this month.

While Love Is Like A Drug agrees that women who engage in dating men who are involved in “committed” relationships are pitiful, shouldn’t the focus be upon the men who cheat? Or better yet, what the woman who has been cheated on can do for herself? Why would any woman want a man who places no value on their life together? There are 7 billion people inhabiting this planet, surely there’s at least one gentleman in the lot. Of course, you will never find that gentleman if you aren’t happy with yourself.

VN Free Report Gives Expert Advice About Online Dating

In a special report, released by Vibrant Nation (VN) on Oct. 28, women over 50 now can obtain free, expert advice about navigating the sometimes-daunting world of online dating.

Authors of the free report, “Online Dating for Women Over 50: Tips and Strategies to find the love you want, regardless of age,” sexual health expert Dr. Pepper Schwartz and dating coach Lisa Copeland, have found that the fastest growing group of online dating services if the 50 and older crowd.

"Online dating has become ordinary and expected among women and men over 50," said Dr. Pepper Schwartz via release. In fact, today singles 50 and over are actually at the forefront the online dating trend. One factor fueling this trend is the rising divorce rate among the over-50 crowd. Women over 50 rediscovering all that life has to offer after a late-in-life divorce now view online dating as a smart strategy for boosting their chances of finding what they want in a romantic relationship.

At leading dating site eHarmony, singles 50 and older are one of the fastest growing groups among its over 33 million users worldwide. At the popular dating site Match.com, it’s a similar story, with 25 percent of its members are between 50 and 65. Of course, the real question then is not whether women over 50 should utilize dating sites, but rather, can single women over 50 looking for a relationship afford not to hop on the online dating bandwagon? What’s stopping them?

At Vibrant Nation, some midlife women express concerns about online dating such as:

• How can I gauge chemistry online?
• How can I tell whether a potential match is misrepresenting himself in his profile?
• Should I lie about my age in my own profile - and how else can I improve my chances of connecting with age-appropriate men?

None of these problems are insurmountable, however. In fact, an increasing number of midlife women in the Vibrant Nation community are reporting great success with online dating. The report outlines real midlife women’s online dating success stories as well as specific, practical tips on how to tip the numbers game of online dating in your favor.

The report is yet another stellar resource for women 50 and over. Quite frankly, us younger ladies could also learn a few things from our older sisters. To obtain your free copy of the new Vibrant Nation special report, “Online Dating for Women Over 50: Tips and Strategies to find the love you want, regardless of age,” please visit Vibrant Nation. 

The 90-Day Rule

One of things that I love about blogging, versus writing for a column, is that I can be blunt. I don’t care how “evolved” a person is and how much people profess to hate “playing games,” the bottom line is that EVERYONE plays games (consciously or not)! For the sake of the enlightened person, I’ll do my best to explain the subconscious game playing.

As much as you try to throw out the list in your head of whom you’ve decided is the perfect mate for you, you still have a picture of the ideal mate. And because of that picture, when you first meet a potential partner, you present your “public” self. What is the public self? It is the persona that you want the world to see. For example, you probably don’t want anyone outside of your trusted circle to know that you watch the entire (and only) season of “My So Called Life” just so that you can salivate over Jared Leto. This dirty little secret isn’t going to be the first thing that you share with that gorgeous guy that you’ve just met. For a guy, you’re probably not going to share that 5-years after graduating college, you still feel that beer and pizza is the breakfast of champions. No, no ... you are going to present yourself as a well-rounded and polished individual.

So, yeah um ... okay, what is “The 90-day Rule,” right? It is the first 3 months, 90 days, 2160 hours, 129600 minutes, 7776000 seconds that you know a person. I don’t give a crap what anyone says, this period of time is when each person is on his or her very best behavior. He will not dare leave the toilet seat up, she will not nag you to meet her parents, he will make sure that his friends don’t act like apes, she will make sure that her friends don’t either. Everything about this new romance is bright, shiny, and fucking perfect. Then comes day 91! You’ve now established your new relationship and you’re going to begin to see the cracks in the other person’s personality.

The absolute must for dating – Do not get overly invested in the other person before 90 days. And that, dear people, is “The 90-day Rule”. Oh, by the way, “The 90-day Rule” applies to any situation ... a job ... a friendship ... a marriage. :)

©2013 Love Is Like a Drug